


p l a s t i c   t a s te

by ro_hd



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (joji - plastic taste), (link to song in end notes), Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Angst, Based on a song, Humanstuck, M/M, Mutual Pining, Online Relationship, written for no reason except i'm sad and lonely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 09:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10241360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ro_hd/pseuds/ro_hd
Summary: You just wish you could say it to his face. You wish you could get up, out of bed, and hop on the earliest plane to him. You want to hug him, bury inside of him, and never leave him. But you can't.





	

**Author's Note:**

> who's up for some erisol angst? i am sad and facing a shitty week so here you go.
> 
> hope you enjoy!

_i c a n ' t d o t h i s f a c e t o f a c e_

hey  


Your phone screen glows in the darkness. Its white, sterile glow illuminates your face and your fingers, poised on the keyboard. Your bedroom is dark, muted, all noises sounding like they're coming from under water. The only natural light comes from the blinds, pale morning light leave thin stripes on your wall. Your bed covers are strewn around your legs, covering your bare legs. (Your boxers are doing nothing to keep you warm, and neither is your bare chest). But you can't bear to have anything itching away at your skin. It's too distracting.

A single word is typed on the screen, in a little message, bright against the white background, sent to you not moments before by him.

You snap out of your daze, fingers slowly typing a reply. It's not very long, but your sluggish fingers, pale and skinny, tap away tiredly. You're exhausted.

you knoww i lovve you right?  


You backspace it all. You just wish you could say it to his face. You wish you could get up, out of bed, and hop on the earliest plane to him. You want to hug him, bury inside of him, and never leave him. But you can't.

hey  


You send, and he receives it. The bubble of dots lets you know he's typing, and you know how good and fast he is with his fingers. You want to twine your fingers with his, holding them tightly and never letting go. If only you had the courage to tell him that to him, over video chat, or a phone call. Instead, you're selfish, and let everything loom over him. He doesn't deserve this. You don't deserve him. He replies something usual, and you tap away another response.

_b u t i ' l l a d m i t t h a t i ' m a f r a i d_

You're terrified, you realise, upon shutting your phone off after a half-assed conversation. You're terrified of this, of him, of yourself. (You should've never taken your friend's stupid advice to 'get out there'). You're afraid of it. Now you're stuck. Trapped in a relationship, if you can call it that anymore, that if you only had the strength, could be the world's best. Instead, you hide behind your phone screen, laptop screen. Only ever seen via profile pictures and awkward, short video calls.

You love him.

You wish you didn't.

For his sake, at least. You've been told he's infatuated with you, and that only terrifies you more. (How could such a lovely person, get roped into anything long-term with you?) You're scared of it, of hurting him. He's so kind, so caring. You're anything but that, no matter how hard you try. You need to give up. Stop trying. Perhaps the empty, afraid, lonely feeling inside you would stop. (You doubt it, though). At least you'll stop bothering him. You know how hard he works, and having to message you and keep up this relationship must take a toll on him.

It must bother him. It must.

_l e t t h i s r o m a n c e g o t o w a s t e_

It's a cool, Friday evening when you text him. You're so selfish.

im sorry  


i cant keep on like this  


It takes him an hour to reply. (Usually, it's thirty seconds). You know you've messed up as soon as you see the bubble of dots. The bubble stays for a while, before it goes, before reappearing for a second and he replies. You left your window open, and a cold gust of air hits you. It's nothing compared to how you feel inside.

oh. ok  


2o what doe2 thii2 mean?  


You're trembling when you reply. He's so innocent, and at least he's not angry. (You don't deserve him). You hunch over your phone.

this isnt wworking  


by thii2 you mean?  


us.  


wwere not wworking  


2iince when  


please  


Droplets of water hit your screen, blurring the screen's words. You clumsily wipe them away, before dragging your wrist over your eyes after removing your glasses. You wish he didn't do this. You wish you could just be done. But he's human. He wants to know why, and you don't blame him. You want to know why. You wish you could just tell him to his face, instead of being such a coward. You don't reply for a while, staring at his bubble typing before going, before coming back, before going again. Eventually, he gets to reply before you say anything more.

You can't breathe.

It's for the best, anyway.

ii love you  


i knoww  


_e x c u s e m e f o r m y p l a s t i c t a s t e_

**Author's Note:**

> find song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_m2cHgjcno)
> 
> x


End file.
